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No Regrets

So occasionally I find myself going back and thinking about what has happened in my life in the last few years. Generally the one that that sticks out to me the most is the fact that I went away to college but then came home after only one semester. I'm not gonna lie, I felt like a huge loser and I really tried to avoid telling people what was going on because I was ashamed. I just knew that everyone would think that my reason for coming home would be because of Shawn which I would always swear that it wasn't. It was because I didn't want to be a Vet anymore, I didn't want me parents to spend so much money, or Starkville was boring. While all those things where true to some extent none of them were the main reason, but I talked myself into believing otherwise.

I didn't really realize it until the other day, but since coming back to Memphis some really great things have happened in my life.

First of all I have a great job that pays me more then I deserve and doesn't require to much of me so I am still able to do well in school. I honestly love working there, and I adore the people that I work with, they make me actually want to show up for work!

Then there is school....Sure the U of M may be just a step above a piece of crap but I love it, my classes, and the really great people I have met there in the last two semesters!

Coming back to Memphis has allowed me to meet and reconnect with some absolutely amazing people...so who do I want to talk about first. Let's start with the major 3!

She may hate this but.....

MARY LYN ALBRITTON: My absolutely amazing, wonderful, beautiful, kinda weird best friend! History together - she didnt like me...we were in choir together...did a play together...thought the other one was kinda cool...did a musical together...fell hopelessly in love! Then the sad romance story comes to an end because I graduated and went off to MSU. I'm not proud of it but I'll admit it. That semester I was at MSU I forgot all about her. I think I might have told her happy birthday but other then that...nothing! I didnt even come see her in her last play at ECS. I'm not really sure how it happened that we started being friends again, but I'm so thankful for it. I honestly believe had a stayed at MSU we wouldnt be the friends that we are right now...she is going with me to hold my hand while I get my tattoo, and she is the only person I would have felt comfortable buying Jeggings in front of! I love your face!

Ml's family: A great bonus that comes with being friends with Mary lyn is that you automatically get adopted into their family. Mr. Will, Aves, and Kathleen have all been a great blessing in my life as well.

HANA FAULKNER: One more friend I know I would have lost touch with had I stayed away at college! I'm not even sure what to say to you except for the fact that I have absolutely loved watching you over the past year. You joined a great church, made some phenomenal new friends, and have gotten into a relationship with an absolutely amazing guy! I am so happy for you! especially over that last part. You are one of my oldest friends and I intend on keeping it that way!

JENNIFER THORNTON: Haha I know for a fact we would still be best friends even if I was still in Mississippi! We could not see each other for a year and still be exactly the same. My reason I am so thankful that I am back in Memphis with you, is the fact that I am here to be apart of a huge moment in your life. I'm so glad that everything is going your way right now! You are going to be starting all of your EMT stuff soon and then you are getting married to this great guy, and I cannot wait for Oct 16th! Its going to be so amazing! I love you Jen!

Then there are also some people that I have met in just the past year who have already made a rather large impression on my life...and had I not moved back to memphis I wouldnt know them like I do. Like Anna Craig! Amazing girl that I cannot wait to get to know better, so happy that she started working with me! Just wish we would actually work together sometime. And I am so thankful for all the people at work...especially Jordan and Staci!

I also learned from moving back to Memphis, that my little sister is pretty freaking awesome...so much so that I even invited her to go on a roadtrip

Last but not least! Probably the biggest benefit of moving back is Shawn.....I came to the realization that he is 100% the entire reason that I moved back home, and I'm entirely ok with that because I like what I have with him and I want to be close to him! Even after dating for 4 years I have surprisingly gotten to know him even more. He is just the greatest guy ever and the idea of moving away from him baffles me, and I dont know what I was thinking in the first place! Not only have I gotten closer to him, but also to his friends, and fraternity brothers!

So basically to sum it all up...the best thing that has ever happened to me is when I made the decision to drop out of MSU! I couldn't be happier with my life or my friends right now!

No Regrets!

Take 2

I apologize for having posted the same blog two times in a row, I'm still not completely familiar with this website. So I figure I should probably give meaning behind the name of my blog, and in my last post I said I had something to talk about so I am actually going to kill two birds with one stone.

So, about two days ago a BEAUTIFUL friend of mine sent me a link to a poem that she had found helpful in her situation. Please keep in mind that I was merely looking at this poem because a friend sent it to me...I was not searching for anything and still God used it to work in me. Before we go any further I want to say the rest of this blog consists of two parts.

1.God punching me in the face with words.

2. God then telling me to not overlook it and to begin applying it to my life.

So here is the poem...

BE SATISFIED WITH ME

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and reservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,
I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
You could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.

~ St. Anthony of Padua

Beautiful, right? I really just thought it was this really sweet poem that was until I got to lines 17 and 18 of the poem...

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,

right there is where God proceeded to punch me in the face. Ok let's back up for a second...if you know me at all you know that all I do is plan...dinner plans, weekend plans, vacation plans, but the biggest of all?...Wedding plans! It is an embarrassing habit that I cannot break. Am I engaged? No... Do I want to be? more then anything... I have been trying my hardest to put it to the back of my mind and just forget about it, but all of the sudden i have two friends getting married, and I am rather involved in each wedding so when I see them planning I naturally begin to plan mine in the back of my head.

It was like God shook me and said BRIANNA, STOP IT! CHILL OUT! SIT STILL AND LISTEN!so needless to say...that got my attention so I decide to actually READ the poem now and really pay attention since God apparently had me read this for a reason. The first paragraph....nothing we haven't heard before...you have to have a close relationship with God before you can have a relationship like that with someone else...whether or not we actually apply that to our lives is questionable.

The whole second paragraph was God saying...Brianna, sit back, shut up with what you think you want, and Iv'e got this under control. So the one thing that I have always had planned out perfectly, my future, God is now saying chill out I've got this one. and in my mind of a sinner I'm screaming...BUT WHAT IF YOU ARE WRONG!!!! so by this part of the poem I'm freaking out because 1. I have to grow in my relationship with God before I can grow in my relationship with Shawn. 2.My whole future is out of my control, control freak Brianna will no longer have power over her domain.

But here is the cool part...

The third paragraph brings it all together...go back and read the 3rd paragraph again. Assuming that you read it again... isn't that amazing? He WANTS me to have that. He WANTS me to experience that reflection of His love in human form!! So God...you are saying that all I have to do is 1. Grow closer to you and 2. Let you plan my life and in return you are going to get both my husband and me prepared to share the most amazing love that you have planned for us?...yeah I think I can live with that.

Extra Point that I gained from reading this...God's time is perfect. I annoy Shawn a lot with getting married, and when it's going to happen, and if it's going to happen soon. And I have always been annoyed that it isn't going to happen anytime soon, and secretly I have always blamed Shawn and thought that it was because of him that nothing was happening...but then I realized that's not what God wants. It seems like a curse to have to date someone for what will probably be 6 or 7 years before you marry them, but for some reason...that's exactly how God wanted it. He knew we would meet early in life and date for an unseen amount of time, and though I may not know the reason I am positive that it was perfectly designed with what is best for us in mind. I already know that he is the one that God has set apart as special just for me, and now it's just a matter of God's timing and as of right now I don't care if it's two more years or ten. I'm satisfied in the fact of knowing that His timing is perfect and will always work out for the best.

Once Upon A Time...

I'm not really sure how to feel about the fact that I just created a blog, and I am also not sure on how long I will be able to keep this up. It was just kind of one of those nights where you feel creative so you think you should share it with the rest of the world. So you create a blog and then realize that you have absolutely nothing to say....yeah that's where I am right about now. NO WORRIES though I recently had a big break through in my life's thinking patterns, and sometime soon (probably tomorrow) I would love to sit down and "blog" about that. As of right now I need to go to sleep so that I will be prepared for a Sociology exam in the morning!! So yes, this has been a great introductory blog...I hope to see you all (actually meaning no one because I do not have any friends on this website) again very very soon.

Once Upon A Time...

I'm not really sure how to feel about the fact that I just created a blog, and I am also not sure on how long I will be able to keep this up. It was just kind of one of those nights where you feel creative so you think you should share it with the rest of the world. So you create a blog and then realize that you have absolutely nothing to say....yeah that's where I am right about now. NO WORRIES though I recently had a big break through in my life's thinking patterns, and sometime soon (probably tomorrow) I would love to sit down and "blog" about that. As of right now I need to go to sleep so that I will be prepared for a Sociology exam in the morning!! So yes, this has been a great introductory blog...I hope to see you all (actually meaning no one because I do not have any friends on this website) again very very soon.